Don't Touch Me
Updated: Apr 21, 2018
Don’t Touch Me
I’m 14 years old and
I know you said you like me and
You said you thought I was pretty but
This feels really ugly
Don’t Touch Me
I’m not ready to lose
My virginity in the most
Violent and Unromantic way possible
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
The voice inside screams
The words I scream out loud in
Pain and violation but
My cries go unheard and
My life is changed forever
Rape protested, development arrested, my pre-determined fate is off course
Don’t Touch Me
I’m 18 years old and
I know I said I was ready
I know you said you loved me
But this doesn’t FEEL LIKE LOVE
Don’t Touch Me
I’m damaged already
Please don’t add to my
Existing Insurmountable Pain
You are too beautiful
To be a monster so please
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
The voice inside screams from my soul
To his ears and goes unheard and
My life is changed forever
Not even determination would stop the violation
Rape not escaped, monsters recognized to late, again is my again
Don’t Touch Me
I am 27 years old and
I am grown, I have been down this road before
I refuse to go down again on my knees and beg
Even when you drug me
Don’t Touch Me
I don’t know you
I don’t know where I am
I tried drinking the pain away
Only to end up in pain again pleading
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
The voice inside pleads
Not with an unreasonable monster
But with God, pleading that this isn’t happening again
Then it does and my life is changed forever
This is what my forever looks like:
Half the population of the world scares me to death
I don’t trust myself to recognize men from monsters
For a very long time if I did let a man get close to me, kiss me, put his hands on me…I would throw up after and take a scolding hot shower just to feel clean again.
I have survived gang rape
I have survived rape by a boyfriend
I have survived rape by a stranger that drugged me
I have faced a total of 7 monsters and survived but I still fear that 8th monster that I believe is just around the corner.
I don’t trust me so I never really let them in; I make clear with every word I choose that I choose to keep my distance.
I am biologically a normal woman with a sex drive who feels attraction and arousal toward men.
But I would rather not examine or explore those feelings because my mind keeps screaming
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
I have had sex many times of my own free will and I have experienced moments of pleasure but mostly I HATE IT EVERY TIME.
I have slept with men I don’t care about
I have slept with men I do care about but
That inevitable moment comes when my body shuts down,
My mind takes over and the bad thought creeps in screaming as if it’s happening again
Right then right there like black magic man turns into monster before my eyes
As if I summoned my demons through penetration because my pores begin to scream
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Because when I was 14 years old, 18 years old and 27 years old my life changed forever, my reality became,
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Don’t Touch Me
Today this is what my forever looks like, feels like, smells like, tastes like.
I hope for a different forever tomorrow one where monsters aren’t let out so I can let love in.
OLD
August 18, 2016

#OnikaDainty #Poetry #Writing #DoNotTouchMe #MentalHealth #SexualAssault #MyLife #MyTruth #DaintyDysh #ThatDysh
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