Journal Entry #12
Journal Entry #12
August 18, 2018
I was talking to a man I met at a meeting a today about letting go. He talked of his trials and how friends he’d had for years disappeared during his time of struggle. I could relate to him because our stories were so similar. We are both black from West Indian backgrounds and the friends that disappeared on us were from the same community. When he shared his story I thought about all the people from my past that I had to leave behind.
I thought about how toxic my relationships became once I outed myself as a person with a mental health condition. I thought about how the phone calls for life advice stopped coming and how invitations out were scarce. I realized early on that my so-called friends weren’t really in my corner and I had to have the strength to let them go. It was hard at first, I had known these women since high school my heart broke at the thought of them not being there, at the thought of them rejecting me.
But eventually the pain faded away and my heart was open to new possibilities, new friendships that would be founded on loyalty and support. I started to build my team, a group of friends I knew I could trust to stick around when the going got tough. These people have stood by me and have never let me give up even in the darkest of times. The friendships I have made make the ones I have had to let go feel like a distant memory. They no longer know me or the incredible women I have turned out to be—loyal, trustworthy and kind—but that’s their loss.
They say you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friendships and when making those choices I have to remember I am who I am and so are they. There is no changing them, there is no hope that they will get better and come around to seeing things my way. If they aren’t for me in the beginning, if they are not willing to stand by me through the worst of times they are not my friends and I need to let go to make room for better relationships.