Shared Journal Entry #1

January 7, 2017

Nobody ever tells you what you really lose when you lose your mind. Once your grip on

reality slips away from you and you are no longer in control of your thoughts or actions;

when you completely lose your sense of self, all the lessons you learned about good

and bad, right and wrong. It’s like living in a kaleidoscope with every turn your

perception of reality changes. What you believe to be true isn’t.

Everything feels so bright and blinding all the pretty colours distracting you from

everything else that’s going on around you. The kaleidoscope stops you from seeing

what’s actually happening to you, because of you. You are trapped inside yourself and

the voice of reason that’s suppose warn you that things are not as they seem is

drowned out by all the pretty colours. But if you just reach out in front of you you will

realize what you are seeing isn’t real, what you are feeling isn’t real, what you are

experiencing isn’t real, you are trapped by your own thoughts.

Nobody ever tells you that when you lose your mind you are fearless, weightless,

floating with no idea where you are going to land and because you feel no fear you feel

no worry and when you fall, crashing down from that high nobody ever tells you what

happens when you land. After the wreckage when you finally stop floating aimlessly

weightlessly in a world only you can see. When your feet touch the ground and clarity

hits you, your fear returns and the harsh reality of all that has transpired must be faced.

You are left standing in the mess you made looking at the collateral damage, the

destruction without a clue how or why you did any of it. With no real recollection of all

the decisions you made that led you to this moment when you realize you have blown

up your life in a spectacular way.

Nobody ever tells you the hardest part about losing your mind isn’t the losing, it’s the

comeback afterwards. Many people are not fortunate enough to attain a second chance.

Their minds too far gone to comprehend a world without the lens of a kaleidoscope. I

am fortunate however to have lived in a world of second chance, more chances than I

care to remember I squandered. I have lost my mind many times over the years each

episode more spectacular than the last but I have always managed to come back from

the edge of insanity though I am still not sure why or how I’m still standing.

OLD