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Shared Journal Entry #11

Journal Entry #11

June 1, 2018

I’ve wanted to be a published author since I was six years old. I use to write stories to hide the pain I was going through at that time. I got lost in my world of storytelling and as I grew up my stories reflected all the things that were going on in my life. From first love to suicidal thoughts. I started writing drama’s and love stories that didn’t always end well. I got into writing poetry and during my teen years and they were full of longing and angst. I have always written my truth down when I couldn’t speak it out loud. I have journals full of pieces that I have written over the years. However, no story was greater than the one I composed in the last year.

I have never been ashamed of my story. It is a tragic tale wrapped in strength and hope. After being molested at a young age, experiencing sexual assault in my teens and twenties and having a lifelong mental health condition I thought it was time I shared my tale. I think I was more afraid of how my family would react to hearing some of the gruesome details of my life, details I didn’t really share with anyone. As I said have never been ashamed of my story but telling it bought up a lot of past issues that had gone unresolved. I have always buried myself in my writing letting that be my therapy. I never thought to reach out to people to see if they were going through the same things. I guess I felt it was my duty to suffer in silence. But after last year going to the Empowering Women to Succeed book launch I realized it was important for me to be a part of that series and share my story. The women that spoke of all manners of life-altering events were strong and brave and I wanted to be one of them.

I wanted my story to be a beacon of hope for young girls and women who have experienced similar things. I wanted to finally crack open my shell and reveal the yoke inside. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t dainty like my last name. It was ugly and painful and real. And it doesn’t stop there. I was only able to tell a part of my story in my chapter. I barely scratched the surface so it’s my hope to finally write an autobiography of all that I have been through and the strength I found going through it. My story doesn’t begin or end with the things that I have experienced although, I am the sum total of those experiences. My story is ongoing and the twists and turns of my life I suspect have not yet finished. I want to keep writing and sharing with people in hopes of inspiring then to tell their stories of tragedy and triumph.

I am one among billions with a story to tell and I hope that story touches people in a deeply profound way. My fist publication will always be the closest to my heart because I felt like it has allowed me to break free and know that anything is possible. I want the stories I write in the future to be healing for me and those around me. I know I will continue to write for the rest of my life because it's my passion. Now I can add author to my list of accomplishments and that’s not bad for the little girl who came to this country to pursue her dreams. One dream realized and more to come.


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