Saturday, December 14, 2024

Understanding Depression and Anxiety in Women with Bipolar Disorder: Insights and Support

Understanding Depression and Anxiety in Women with Bipolar Disorder: Insights and Support

Living with Bipolar disorder is hard enough, but when you add Depression and Anxiety to the mix, it can feel downright overwhelming. Women with Bipolar disorder often experience these conditions at a higher rate than men, and understanding how they connect is crucial to managing them. I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalized Anxiety disorder (GAD) seven years before I even knew I had Bipolar disorder. Looking back, it makes sense how these pieces fit together.

In this blog, we’ll explore how Depression and Anxiety manifest in women with Bipolar disorder, discuss treatment options, and share some strategies that have helped me along the way. If you’re just starting your journey, check out my previous article on How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide.


Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder marked by extreme highs (Mania) and lows (Depression). There are different types: Bipolar I, where Mania is more severe, and Bipolar II, where depressive episodes tend to dominate. For women, these mood swings can be even more intense due to hormonal changes like menstruation or pregnancy.

I’ve found that recognizing my mood patterns helps me prepare for what's coming. It doesn’t solve the problem, but it gives me a little more control over the chaos. It’s about understanding how my brain works and finding ways to work with it, rather than against it.


The Impact of Depression in Women with Bipolar Disorder

Depression with Bipolar disorder is more than just feeling sad. It’s an all-encompassing weight that drains your energy, your motivation, and sometimes even your will to live. I’ve gone through periods of uncontrollable crying, days spent in bed, and times where I couldn’t even muster the strength to shower.

For me, depressive episodes are often triggered by major life events, like losing a loved one, or even something as simple as seasonal changes. The worst part is the isolation—feeling like no one understands. But once I started reaching out for help, things slowly began to change.


Anxiety Disorders Coexisting with Bipolar Disorder

Anxiety can show up in a variety of ways. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety disorder (GAD) when I was 16 years-old, but my Anxiety started long before that. As a kid, I worried about everything—school, family, money. The racing thoughts were so loud that I would physically shake my head to try to quiet them down. It wasn’t until much later that I realized this was my Anxiety taking control.

My Anxiety often fuels my Depression, and sometimes it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Self-medicating with substances like marijuana was a mistake I made in my 20s, thinking it would help. Instead, it propelled me into my first manic-psychotic episode, leading to my diagnosis of Bipolar I disorder. Learning to manage my Anxiety has been a crucial step in managing my overall mental health.


Treatment Options for Depression and Anxiety in Bipolar Disorder

Medication can be helpful, but it’s not always straightforward. I take anti-anxiety medication as needed, but antidepressants have never worked for me. In fact, they’ve made me feel worse—suicidal even. My psychiatrist says I’m “treatment-resistant” to antidepressants, which happens with some people who have Major Depressive disorder. Finding the right medication cocktail is essential, but it can take time.

Therapy is another critical piece. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has helped me change negative thought patterns, while Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) incorporates mindfulness practices to help manage emotions. Peer support groups have also been a safe space for me to share my struggles and connect with others who understand.


Lifestyle Changes and Coping Strategies

Managing Bipolar disorder isn’t just about medication and therapy—it’s about how you live your life. For me, self-care means prioritizing my physical and mental health. Eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly have become non-negotiable parts of my routine.

Mindfulness has also played a huge role in reducing my anxiety. Breathing exercises, yoga, and meditation help me stay grounded when my mind starts to race. It’s taken time, but I’ve learned that building a strong support network and finding community resources has been life-changing.


Advocacy and Resources

Advocating for myself didn’t come naturally. In the beginning, I was shuffled around in the mental health system, too scared to speak up. I didn’t feel like anyone would listen to the “Bipolar girl.” But once I started educating myself about my condition, I gained the confidence to speak up and demand the care I deserved.

As women, we often struggle to voice our needs. But finding your voice is key to navigating the healthcare system and getting the support you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and when you can’t, rely on your support team to advocate for you. There are more resources available today than ever before—spaces where we can move beyond the stigma and have real conversations about mental health.


Final Thoughts

Depression and Anxiety are tough enough on their own, but when combined with Bipolar disorder, they can feel impossible to manage. Understanding the connection between these conditions is the first step in regaining control. With the right treatment plan, lifestyle changes, and support system, you can find balance in your life.

If you or someone you know is struggling with Depression, Anxiety, or Bipolar disorder, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Together, we can foster resilience and create a path toward mental wellness. Let’s keep having conversations that take us beyond the stigma of mental illness. For more insights on managing bipolar disorder, check out my pillar post How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide.


Starting Next Week

A Bipolar Woman’s Self-Reflection on Fear is a series of entries that will allow you a window into my past and insight on my present and the lessons I’ve learned over the years on how to manage my depression and anxiety. The 4-part series begins on December 16-21, 2024 and is a reflection of my experiences with fear and the steps I took to overcome it. Lets continue to have conversations that take us beyond the stigma to a place where fear no longer exists.

Thursday, December 12, 2024

Coping with Anger, Shame, and Guilt: Insights from a Woman Living with Bipolar Disorder

Coping with Anger, Shame, and Guilt: Insights from a Woman Living with Bipolar Disorder

By Onika Dainty

Living with Bipolar disorder is more than just managing mood swings—it’s about handling the intense emotions that come with it, especially anger, shame, and guilt. These feelings can be overwhelming, often leaving you feeling stuck and isolated. For women, this emotional weight can be even heavier. In fact, did you know that 78% of women with Bipolar disorder report feeling intense guilt after manic episodes? Whether it’s anger over a misunderstanding or shame from saying something hurtful during Mania, these emotions can feel all-consuming. But you're not alone. Together, we’ll explore how women like me are learning to cope with these challenges, and you can too.

If you're new to managing Bipolar disorder, check out my Comprehensive Guide on How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder.


Understanding the Emotional Landscape of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder doesn’t just throw your emotions off balance during manic or depressive episodes—it can mess with them even in between. Emotional dysregulation, where you have trouble controlling your feelings, is common for women with Bipolar disorder. Anger, shame, and guilt can become intense and overwhelming. These feelings are often tied to what happens before, during, and after an episode, so recognizing patterns is important.

I’ve experienced all of these emotions, sometimes within a short time span, and it often feels like my emotional pendulum swings from one extreme to another. Learning to understand how and why these emotions come up has been crucial for managing them.


How Anger Manifests in Women with Bipolar Disorder

Anger is tough, especially for women with Bipolar disorder. Society often labels women who show emotion as “dramatic” or “unreliable,” and those of us with Bipolar disorder are frequently called “crazy” or “unstable.” This stigma can make it harder to express anger in healthy ways.

For me, I rarely feel anger when I’m well, but during a manic episode, it can hit me like a storm. It’s overwhelming and feels out of control. What helps me is safe, aggressive exercise—like boxing or kickboxing. When I’m in that space, I can release the anger without causing harm. I also journal, which helps me process the feelings and understand where they came from once I’m back in remission. And having people around me, like my cousins and mental health mentor, who understand my emotional dysregulation has been life-saving.


Dealing with Shame: Overcoming the Internal Critic

Shame is another beast. During a manic-psychotic episode, I’ve said and done things that don’t feel like me. After the Mania fades, shame rushes in like a tidal wave. It’s an internal struggle, and I often can’t even remember what I did to cause this feeling. But I know that self-compassion and self-acceptance are the keys to surviving it.

I’ve had to remind myself that Bipolar disorder is a serious mood disorder that sometimes takes away my emotional control. Yes, I feel ashamed, but I also have to forgive myself. Learning to accept that this disorder is a part of me but doesn’t define me has helped ease the burden of shame.


Confronting Guilt and Moving Forward

Guilt, for me, is a little different than shame. Shame makes me feel like I am the problem, while guilt makes me feel responsible for the problems my actions caused. I’ve come to understand that while I can’t control having Bipolar disorder, I am responsible for managing it. And when I fall short—whether I miss medication or ignore self-care routines—I do feel guilty.

But staying stuck in guilt doesn’t help. I’ve lost people in my life because I wasn’t doing enough to take care of myself, and I’ve had to learn to forgive myself for those losses. Moving forward is about recognizing what I can do better next time and giving myself the space to grow.


Practical Coping Strategies for Anger, Shame, and Guilt

So, how do I manage these emotions? It’s taken years, but I’ve found some strategies that work. Breathing exercises, yoga, hiking, and aromatherapy are now part of my daily routine. These mindfulness techniques help ground me when my emotions are spiralling out of control.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been another life-saver. CBT focuses on changing thought patterns, which helps me manage the negative emotions that can lead to anger or guilt. While I’ve heard good things about Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), which incorporates mindfulness, my experience has mostly been with CBT.


The Role of Family and Friends in Emotional Support

Having a support system is crucial. Emotional dysregulation can be hard to explain, but once I educated my loved ones about it, they became more understanding. It’s important to set boundaries and communicate when you're in the middle of an emotional episode. My family now knows that when I lash out during  Mania, it’s the disorder talking, not me.

Encouraging understanding and reducing stigma has strengthened my relationships and created a stronger support system that I can rely on.


Final Thoughts

Anger, shame, and guilt don’t have to define your experience with Bipolar disorder. By learning to understand these emotions and applying coping strategies, you can regain control and improve your mental health. Whether it’s mindfulness techniques, therapy, or leaning on your support system, there are ways to manage these intense feelings.

Remember, healing is a journey, and by facing these emotions head-on, you’re already taking a huge step forward. Anger, shame and guilt can be the byproduct of this disorder but they don’t have to be the lasting end product. We are more than our illness and deserve forgiveness and understanding when we make mistakes. Ready to take the next step? Talk to a mental health specialist to create a personalized strategy for managing anger, shame, and guilt.

Tuesday, December 10, 2024

The Role of Gratitude in Recovery: Sharing Stories

The Role of Gratitude in Recovery: Sharing Stories

By Onika Dainty

Gratitude. It's more than just saying “thank you.” For many women living with Bipolar disorder, gratitude has become a powerful tool in their recovery journey. Research shows that practicing gratitude can reduce symptoms of Depression and Anxiety by up to 30%. That’s a huge impact for something as simple as taking time to appreciate the good in life.

In this blog, you’ll hear from women who have been through the highs and lows of Bipolar disorder and how embracing gratitude has helped them heal. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or have been managing Bipolar disorder for years, these stories offer hope and practical tips for incorporating gratitude into your own life. Let’s dive in!


What is Bipolar Disorder? Understanding the Basics

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings, ranging from emotional highs (Mania) to deep lows (Depression). There are different types—Bipolar I, Bipolar II, and Cyclothymia—but for many women, the emotional rollercoaster can feel overwhelming.

For women, Bipolar disorder can be especially tough due to hormonal changes that affect mood stability. From menstrual cycles to pregnancy and menopause, these hormonal shifts can make the symptoms of Bipolar even more unpredictable. It’s a daily struggle, but there are ways to manage it, and gratitude can be one of those tools.


The Science Behind Gratitude and Mental Health

Gratitude isn’t just about being polite. It actually changes your brain chemistry. When you practice gratitude, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin—those feel-good chemicals that help improve your mood. Studies have shown that people who regularly practice gratitude experience less stress, better sleep, and higher levels of happiness.

For women with Bipolar disorder, practicing gratitude can help build emotional resilience. By focusing on what’s going right, even during tough times, you can shift your perspective and reduce the intensity of depressive episodes.


Personal Stories: Starting with Me

Gratitude Journaling During Depressive Episodes
When I’m feeling low, it’s hard to see anything positive. But I keep a gratitude journal to help me through those times. Every day, I write down three things I’m grateful for, no matter how small. Sometimes it’s as simple as being thankful for a warm cup of coffee or a call from a friend. This small practice keeps me grounded and helps me shift my focus from what’s wrong to what’s right.

Daily Acts of Appreciation to Stabilize Mood
I once had a romantic partner who always said, “Thanks, I appreciate you” to everyone—whether it was a server at a restaurant or a cashier at the grocery store. That stuck with me. Now, I say it all the time, to friends, family, and even strangers. It’s a simple way to spread positivity, and it’s amazing how something so small can lift my mood on difficult days.

Finding Gratitude in Mania
During manic episodes, gratitude can feel out of reach. I often feel paranoid, unsure of who’s on my side. In those moments, I look to my faith to help me overcome feelings of hopelessness knowing that there is something greater than myself guiding me through the rough times which keeps me in a space of gratitude because  I’m still alive and still fighting. I also rely on my mental health mentor to remind me that even when I’m unwell, there are still things to be grateful for. Having someone else help me see the good keeps me rooted, even when I can’t see it myself.


Practical Ways to Incorporate Gratitude into Your Recovery

Incorporating gratitude into your life doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are a few simple ways to get started:

  • Gratitude Journaling: Start by writing down three things you’re grateful for each day. Don’t overthink it—anything from a sunny day to a supportive friend counts.

  • Mindfulness and Gratitude: Being present in the moment is a form of gratitude. Take time to notice the little things, whether it’s the sound of birds chirping or the taste of your favorite meal.

  • Small Gratitude Habits: Try saying “thank you, I appreciate you” to the people around you. It’s a small gesture, but it can shift your mindset and brighten someone else’s day too.


Overcoming Challenges: When Gratitude Feels Impossible

There will be days when finding gratitude feels impossible, especially during depressive episodes. It’s okay to feel that way. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring the pain or pretending everything’s fine—it’s about acknowledging the good, even in the midst of hardship.

In these moments, therapy and support groups can help. Talking through your struggles with a therapist or peers can provide new perspectives, making it easier to see the silver linings. And remember, it’s okay to give yourself grace. No one feels grateful 100% of the time, and that’s perfectly normal.


How Gratitude Can Improve Relationships for Women with Bipolar Disorder

Gratitude has a ripple effect on the people around you. By expressing appreciation to friends, family, and romantic partners, you strengthen those bonds and build trust. This is especially important for women with Bipolar disorder, as our loved ones often bear the brunt of our mood swings. Taking time to show gratitude for their support can go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.

Whether it’s a simple “thank you” or a random act of kindness, incorporating gratitude into your relationships can improve communication and create deeper connections.


Final Thoughts

Gratitude may seem like a small thing, but as these personal stories show, it has the power to transform your mental health and relationships. For women managing Bipolar disorder, gratitude can be a grounding practice that provides hope, even on the hardest days.

Whether you start with a gratitude journal or a simple daily “thank you, I appreciate you” to someone who needs to hear it, the key is consistency. Gratitude is a practice, and with time, it can shift your mindset in powerful ways. Remember, recovery is a journey, and it’s important to be grateful for every small step toward your ultimate goal of wellness. 

Wishing you a Thanksgiving filled with family, feasting and gratitude!

For more information on managing Bipolar I disorder, don’t forget to check out my previous post How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide. And if you’re looking for additional tools and resources to help you on your journey, you might also find Best Tools and Resources for Managing Bipolar Disorder in 2024 helpful.

Monday, December 9, 2024

Exploring Impulsive Behaviour and Mania in Women with Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

Exploring Impulsive Behaviour and Mania in Women with Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

By Onika Dainty

Living with Bipolar disorder can feel like an endless cycle of highs and lows, and for women, impulsive behaviour during manic episodes can have serious consequences. When you're in a manic state, the urge to act without thinking becomes almost impossible to resist. It affects everything—your relationships, your finances, your health.

Did you know that Bipolar disorder impacts women differently than men? Research shows that women tend to experience more frequent depressive episodes but are highly susceptible to impulsivity during manic phases. In this blog, I’ll take you through what impulsive behaviour looks like for women with Bipolar disorder, how it’s tied to Mania, and the strategies that have helped me manage it.


Understanding Bipolar Disorder in Women

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder with intense emotional highs (Mania) and lows (Depression). There are two main types: Bipolar I, which includes more severe manic episodes, and Bipolar II, where hypomanic episodes are less extreme but still disruptive. For women, hormonal changes—like during menstrual cycles, pregnancy, or menopause—can make the emotional swings even more unpredictable.

For me, hormonal shifts have definitely played a role in how I experience Bipolar disorder. There are times when I felt completely out of control, and the mix of emotions, mood swings, and impulses made it hard to function day-to-day. Learning to recognize those patterns was one of the first steps in managing it.


What is Impulsive Behaviour in Bipolar Disorder?

Impulsive behaviour happens when you act on a desire without thinking about the consequences. It’s not the same as taking a calculated risk. When you're impulsive, you're not processing the potential fallout—you’re just reacting. And during a manic episode, this becomes even more dangerous.

I’ve done it all—lavish spending sprees that left me in debt, driving recklessly without any care for my safety or others, uninhibited sexual behaviours and substance use. In those moments, it was like I was living in my own world, and I didn’t care about the damage I was doing. I was fearless, but not in a good way.


The Link Between Mania and Impulsive Behaviour in Women

When Mania hits, your emotions run wild. Everything feels heightened, and the energy is overwhelming. During a manic-psychotic episode, I lose touch with reality. My thoughts are so chaotic that I stop thinking about the future or the consequences of my actions. All that matters is satisfying the immediate impulse.

There was one episode where I spent $14,000 on Amazon, convincing myself it was for some business idea that didn’t even exist. I was trapped in the chaos of my mind, and in that moment, it felt perfectly rational. But when the Mania passed, I was left to pick up the pieces of the damage I had caused.


How Hormonal Changes Impact Impulsivity in Women with Bipolar Disorder

For women, hormonal changes can intensify Bipolar symptoms. The week before my period, my moods would shift dramatically. I’d feel more irritable, more impulsive, and I could sense the Mania bubbling beneath the surface. The worst part is that you can’t always control it, and it feels like your body is betraying you.

Pregnancy and postpartum can also complicate things. Studies show, the hormonal roller coaster during those times can trigger manic or depressive episodes, making it harder to manage impulsive behaviour. It’s a lot to deal with, but recognizing the patterns can help women going through this  feel a little more prepared.


The Consequences of Impulsive Behaviour in Women with Bipolar Disorder

The consequences of impulsive behaviour are often devastating. I’ve experienced financial ruin, strained relationships, and health scares because of decisions I made during manic episodes. Once, I was driving recklessly, weaving through traffic with no regard for the rules of the road or anyone’s safety—including my own. I was lucky that nothing catastrophic happened, but it could have easily gone the other way.

Impulsive actions can also lead to self-harm. In 2022, I found myself getting four tattoos in a week while in the early stages of Mania. I’ve always gotten tattoos during emotionally tumultuous times, and I realized later that it was my way of self-harming. The pain didn’t bother me; in fact, I found comfort in it.


Managing Impulsive Behaviour: Practical Strategies

Managing impulsive behaviour starts with acknowledging it. For me, medication and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) have been lifesavers. They’ve given me tools to slow down my thoughts and make better decisions. I also rely on mindfulness techniques like the cold water trick—when things get overwhelming, splashing cold water on my face snaps me back to reality.

Having a support system is key. I have a mental health mentor who helps keep me in check. We set boundaries, like limits on my spending and keeping my debit card with my grandmother, so I’m less likely to make impulsive decisions. When I do begin the cycle of impulsive spending my mentor will sit me down and ask the hard questions like “why are you spending?” or “What mental health stressors are you experiencing this week?” These check-ins have served to slow me down and examine the decisions I’m making. 


Self-Care Tips for Women with Bipolar Disorder

Structure and routine are lifesavers when it comes to managing Bipolar disorder. By building habits that don’t support impulsivity, I can recognize when something is off. Exercise also helps. When I’m moving my body and releasing endorphins, it counteracts that adrenaline-fueled impulsivity.

Eating well, getting enough sleep, and practicing self-love are all part of my self-care plan. I journal every day to track my moods, reflect on my growth, and remind myself how far I’ve come. It's a small but powerful way to stay grounded.


Final Thoughts

Impulsive behaviour in women with Bipolar disorder can be tough to control, but it’s not impossible. Understanding how Mania influences these impulses and finding ways to manage them—through medication, therapy, mindfulness, and support—is the key to regaining control. Impulsivity is a dangerous byproduct of this disorder and it's not your fault but it is your responsibility to learn how to best manage this destructive symptom. If you’re dealing with impulsive behaviour or know someone who is, don’t wait to seek help. The right tools and strategies can make all the difference.

For more information on how to build your support team check out my pillar post How to Start Managing Bipolar I Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide.