Onika L. Dainty

Work-life balance is the balance between the time spent working and the time spent on personal activities. It's important for maintaining productivity, mental and physical health and social connection.

It involves prioritizing and managing responsibilities in both your personal and professional life.

It’s about avoiding burnout and feeling overwhelmed.

How to Achieve It:

• Set boundaries between work and personal time.

• Take regular breaks

• Schedule time for personal interests 

• Delegate tasks when possible

• Say no to extra work

• Take vacations

• Practice relaxation techniques like meditation, mindfulness and yoga

The Myth of Work-Life Balance

When I look at the above definition of work-life balance I can’t help but to reflect on the concept. This  term is often used in industries to show support for their employees having both a professional and personal life. Employers encourage their employees to set work aside after the designated “quitting-time” and pour their focus into friends, family, fun and relaxation. Employers show concern about things like burnout and employee turnover and will go so far as to create opportunities for forced social interactions to promote work-life balance in the workplace setting itself–it's all very confusing. It has been my experience after years of working in various industries and trying to balance the management of my Bipolar disorder, a large aspect of my life, work-life balance doesn’t really exist for me and burnout is inevitable. 

When I was “green” in my mental illness I prioritized work over my mental health. I did not have the knowledge and understanding that even when I was experiencing periods of wellness I was not like other people who could burn the candle at both ends. Although I would usually start a work experience strong, I would interview well, I would achieve success the first few weeks or months but the reality of my mental illness would eventually rear its head whether it would come in the form of having to take time off for a depressive episode, feeling overwhelmed by my work load and fearing management would find out about my illness or lacking sleep because anxieties surrounding constant fear of failure and subsequent termination, I never felt a sense of balance at work because of the imbalance due to the presence of mental illness in my life. 

As I got older and more confident in my mental health I took on low-stress positions in industries like food services and retail. I was open about my mental health circumstances and I felt accepted by my co-workers. The problem was however, that I was not stimulated by these positions. Tasks were too easy, staff was too friendly and management behaved as though employees were dispensable.  I took more time off in these industries than any other, allowed myself to wallow in my mental illness rather than practice self-care, medication management or create the structure, routine and habit I needed to get back to work. Again, my life outside of work, my inability to balance my Bipolar disorder conflicted with the work-life balance model practiced in low-stress industries that seemed ideal for someone with a high-stress mental illness.

Work-Life Balance and The Dream

A few years ago I thought I found my dream position as a Peer Support Specialist. Among other requirements, I had to have lived experience with mental illness and the mental healthcare system. This was right up my ally: my employer and co-workers would have first-hand knowledge of mental illnesses such as Bipolar disorder, I would spend my work hours educating clients about experiences that would give them insight and hope on their journey to recovery and wellness and I could spend my personal time without shame or guilt managing my own mental health. My career as a Peer Supporter began well, I thrived and flourished in the role gaining knowledge and understanding of the mental health services sector as well as further understanding of my own illness. Then in March 2020 the pandemic hit and after a brief period of redeployment my department was shut down and I was fired. I was devastated and lost but in the midst of this tragedy I secured another position as a Peer Supporter.

What I did not realize then that I know now was after the trauma of the first position, the pandemic and a relocation I started my new position burnt out and terrified. I was “green Onika” again, putting work before my mental health and my personal life. I forgot that mismanagement of my basic needs like rest, regular psychiatrist appointments, medication management, self-care and setting healthy boundaries at work and home were key pillars in maintaining my mental health and keeping Mania at bay. I took on too much due to a need to impress my superiors and secure a permanent position within the organization. Sleepless nights lead to racing thoughts of daily recrimination and eventual termination. When I should say ‘no’ I found myself saying ‘yes’ overwhelming my exhausted and fragile mind with more than was realistic. I lost my sense of self and purpose. When I finally took a break in the form of vacation I slept so much that upon my return to work I needed to take additional time off due cognitive and emotional dysfunction, extreme exhaustion and dissociation. In an attempt to find my balance I fell hard and fast and I’m still recovering.

Final Thought

Based on my experiences I have come to the following conclusion about how work-life balance plays a role in my Bipolar disorder management: I believe when you dedicate your life to balancing your Bipolar disorder it is not sustainable to maintain a work-life balance that suits standard employment, rather I believe it's possible to practice work-life balance if you find your passion (work) and prioritize your life (mental health) only then does balance come. 

 I consulted several of my working support team members to get their perspective and they say the following regarding work-life balance:

-“Not sure if there is an ideal ratio to achieve balance between work and life or if they are separate or one and the same. But work and life joy need boundaries, it starts with being comfortable with and even appreciating the word “NO” as an acceptable answer to the pressures that come at us. And  by carefully selecting when to use the word “Yes”. Work is part of life, and so is rest. Work is better after rest. And rest always feels good after work. Find the right ratio and repeat the cycle.”- My Support Team Member on Work-Life Balance

-“Work life balance does not exist in the exact sense. I think of it more like homeostasis in the body. It's possible to keep things in a nice range and we can get better (or worse) and identify when we need to tweak things to ebb one way or the other. When we don’t do a great job of that we can set new normals which make our alert systems only go off when things are crazy out of whack. That’s when it takes more concerted efforts and changes to bring things back into range.That said, societally we have established a balance range that is probably pretty out of whack so we have to figure out our own limits to an extent.”-My Support Team Member on Work-Life Balance

-”No. You can’t balance your life and work in today’s economy. The economy forces you to work more so you can have a better quality of life but you have no time to enjoy life. The current state of the economy forces you to work excessively, sometimes in multiple positions just to make ends meet, placing your personal life last place on your priority list which by definition is an imbalance.”-My Support Team Member on Work-Life Balance 

The women quoted in the above statements are employed in various industries and have varying levels of experience with mental health. It is clear however, regardless of the state of your mental health, navigating work-life balance is challenging on the best of days. Work-life balance is not an impossible concept for some and can be achieved in the right circumstances but it is up to the individual to foster these conditions. Ask yourself: “What is my number one priority with work? What are the most important priorities in my life? Can these priorities co-exist or do they clash? For myself, my priority is maintaining stability in my mental health and managing the symptoms of my mental illness and that is a full time job that does not allow for me to prioritize someone else's bottom line. I have decided to focus on projects that I’m passionate about and that can be easily set aside if I experience another mental health crisis. I have let go of the fear of disappointing employers or the worries around not meeting deadlines. In the world of work-life balance I choose life, I choose self-care, I choose finding my version of balance, I choose my mental health and wellness and I choose me.

Understanding Self-Compassion and Bipolar Disorder

Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and understanding towards yourself when you experience failure, inadequacy, or suffering. It’s a powerful tool for building resilience and improving mental health. Components of self-compassion include self-kindness, treating yourself with the same kindness you would treat a friend or family member, common humanity, recognizing that your experiences are normal and part of life and mindfulness, being present and accepting of your experiences without judgement.

Benefits of Self-compassion

• Improve mental and physical health

• Reduces feelings of anxiety and depression

• Helps dispel fear of failure

• Creates opportunity to learn from mistakes

• Drives solutions based thinking

• Fosters creativity

• Leads to progress in goals set

There are challenges  to practicing self-compassion when dealing with a mental illness like Bipolar disorder. The mood swings and emotional cycles of the disorder can be rapid and severe. When dealing with high-highs (Mania or Psychosis) for instance, a person may have negative experiences that once in wellness can cause feelings of deep shame or guilt. In many cases your cognition of the negative incident may not be clear so if you do not have a full picture of your suffering, failure or inadequacy practicing self-compassion or any of the components of this becomes more complex. When dealing with low mood (Depression) combined with anxiety symptoms you may experience several cognitive distortions (inaccurate ways of thinking) which can make it extremely difficult to incorporate self-compassion when processing failure, suffering or inadequacy.

For women with Bipolar disorder emotional regulation may look like showing kindness and self-compassion toward the emotion itself rather than the experience that makes you feel the emotion. Essentially, when it comes to self-compassion the key is to allow yourself to feel your feelings even when you are not certain where they come from and why you feel that way. Having a mood disorder like Bipolar disorder is a unique experience full of emotional ups and downs therefore its important to practice mindfulness within self-compassion and remain present in your awareness of your emotions not judging them or the challenging experiences attached to your negative feelings.    

A Bipolar Woman’s Lesson on How Self-Compassion Builds Resilience and Better Mental Health 

 My experiences with mental illness and recovery have taught me that in order to practice self-compassion there are several other abilities I needed to gain. Self-reflection, self-discovery,  self-awareness and self-acceptance were important building blocks before I experienced self-compassion on my journey to resilience and ultimately better mental health. 

For years I believed my educational credentials combined with hard work in various careers would make my family proud, make me feel successful and it would prove to the world that regardless of my mental illness I was like everyone else. However the reality was different, no matter how hard I worked or how much success I gained within the first year in a position I was either terminated or had to quit due to circumstances related to my mental illness.

This cycle continued most of my adult life and recovery felt impossible. So I started to do the two things that gave me hope: daily prayers and daily letters of encouragement to myself. These two practices acted as tools of self-reflection allowing me to ask questions that only I could answer. I discovered that I still had the desire to achieve my mental health goals as well as pursue my dreams but it was going to take hard work. Through therapy, counselling and a lot of self-care I became aware of where my responsibilities were regarding my lack of progress and I was able to take accountability for my mental health.

I realized that my mental illness wasn’t stopping me from being my best self, I was. By not giving my illness the time and respect it deserved, by living in other people’s purpose instead of my own, I had done myself a disservice. I wasn’t a failure nor was I inadequate, I had misplaced my focus and energy in hopes of pleasing others. I realized every failure I experienced was a lesson and an opportunity for personal growth and a deeper understanding of my Bipolar disorder. I finally showed myself self-compassion and that helped build my resilience for all that is to come in my mental health journey.    

Practical Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

Along the way I have learned some practical techniques for cultivating Self-compassion. These practices can be used at any stage of your self-compassion journey. I’ve found each helpful when negative thoughts or cognitive distortion (inaccurate ways of thinking) affect positive mental health outcomes. 

• Mindfulness techniques: Staying present without judgment of the experience or emotions attached to it.

• Self-kindness practices: Speaking to yourself as you would a friend or family member.

• Journaling for self-reflection: Writing prompts to challenge negative self-talk. Write letters to yourself and re-read with the goal of challenging your own perspective.

• Building a self-compassion toolkit: Fill your toolkit with positive affirmations, grounding exercises like “earthing”, and self-care rituals like good sleep hygiene and meditation

• Therapeutic approaches: Speak to your mental healthcare team about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) both promote self-compassion in their practice.

The Role of Community and Support Systems

The people you surround yourself with can have an impact on your ability to feel self-compassion. It’s important to build a supportive team of people who understand your mental illness and the journey of self-compassion you are embarking on. There are resources in your community to help assist you in building the best circle of support. Below are some suggestions on where to begin:

• Connecting with others:  Peer support is an excellent way to build self-compassion because these support workers have lived experience with mental illness and can help you feel understood.

• Online and in-person support groups: Sitting in on a group where you and other members share common interests and experiences can be a good resource for finding your tribe.

• Educating family and friends: Encouraging loved ones to support your journey toward self-compassion by educating them on your mental illness and the challenges you’ve experienced can give them insight on the importance of self-compassion.

Final Thoughts

Self-compassion is a difficult but rewarding practice that is important for the healing journey. When dealing with Bipolar disorder often characterized by emotional ups and downs it is essential to show compassion for your experiences but also for the emotions attached to those hard experiences as they are a part of your history. Developing abilities such as self-reflection, self-discovery, self-awareness and self-acceptance are important pillars that go hand-in-hand with practicing self-compassion. When you come to the realization that the old methods of self-loathing and self-recrimination do not speak to your current mental health and wellness goals and experiences attempting a different approach filled with self-kindness, mindfulness and self-compassion can lead you to a new way of relating to yourself and your mental illness. 

Remember, the journey to self-compassion isn’t about ignoring or forgetting the struggles of your past, rather the journey becomes possible when you give yourself grace when reflecting on your experiences and you continue to show yourself kindness when you discover both the positive and not-so-positive aspects of the emotional experiences faced on your journey to wellness.  

I had no idea that what began as a childhood hobby would turn into a means of communicating my healing journey and lived experiences with mental illness, substance use and trauma. My creative journey acts as more than an outlet for my mental health struggles, it’s also become a passionate form of release I used to reach others in need of empathy and understanding on their own journey.

Finding My Creative Inspiration in Others 

Over the years I have met many people like myself, with similar experiences, traumas and mental illnesses that use various creative outlets to express themselves while trying to cope with the harsh realities that come with mental illness. I have been hospitalized with poets, singers, visual artists, self-taught pianists and guitarists. What we all had in common was the longing to find peace in the chaos of our minds through our chosen mediums. 

Creativity is not unique to those with Bipolar disorder or other mental illness; what is unique however is our shared need to use creativity to heal our mind, bodies and souls. Every individual that I have met on my creative journey that uses their own creativity to express their struggles has inspired me to move forward in my journey to wellness, they have encouraged me to continue to use my chosen medium of writing to heal myself and help others.   

The Highs and Lows of Creativity

My ability to express myself through writing also aids me in understanding when I’m experiencing my manic highs and depressive lows. When I’m manic I tend to write more as well as think faster than the words can be put on the page. My manic writing style flows fast and furious but my mind expands into a creative realm I have never been able to reach during periods of wellness or during depressive cycles. When I am experiencing low moods my writing becomes dark reflections on my past experiences and ruminations on my feelings of hopelessness and despair. Wherever my emotions and mindset land in my Bipolar cycle I find that creating a work, any work leads to positive outcomes and better understanding of my mental health. 

Creativity: The Double-edged Sword

Creativity can be over-whelming, acting as a double-edged sword. It's entirely possible to create nothing but insanity on a page regardless of how creative you are. For me writing while in manic-psychosis is an example of this. I have kept the journals I have written in since my first manic episode in 2006. When I examine and reflect on the ramblings of my past all I see is pages and pages of paranoid recordings of a patient trying to find clarity in the chaos of the psychiatric unit. When I am deeply in my illness I look for meaning where there is no meaning, I keep detailed records of what I eat, my sleep patterns, my medication regime. I write letters to the voices in my head, to the people I believed have wronged me and mostly to God. Looking back on these entries is always hard until I inevitably come across a poem or a piece of pros that reminds me that in the midst of madness I’m still me, still creative, still a writer with something worthwhile to say.

Finding Your Creativity 

However you choose to express yourself creatively there are several important benefits to finding an outlet that works for you. Remember, you don’t have to be the next Picasso or have the voice of Whitney Houston. Sometimes finding your creative voice just means stepping out of your comfort zone and having fun. Creativity is about the progress you make on your journey to wellness not being perfect at your chosen craft. 

Tapping into your creativity can assist in emotional regulation, reduce your anxiety and stabilize your mood during the manic highs or depressive lows of Bipolar disorder. Creativity can also promote cognitive focus leading to a calming effect on your mind and body that can help  keep the racing thoughts that often come with Bipolar disorder at bay. Don’t be afraid to take creative risks by trying new hobbies you had previously never considered. Below is a list of ideas for where you can start. Over the years I have tried each on my journey to expand my creativity.

1. Music Therapy (vocal or instrumental)

2. Colouring or Drawing

3. Painting for Anxiety

4. Sculpting

5. Dance Therapy

6. Lyric Writing

7. Therapeutic Writing 

8. Jewelry Making

9. Journaling (prompted, freestyle and gratitude)

10. Drumming

My experiences with several of these hobbies were self-directed; however I was also given the opportunity to explore these creative outlets in community organizations such as Ontario Shores and Durham Mental Health Services (DMHS) recovery college setting which often offers creative courses as they too recognize expressive arts healing power.    

Final Thought

Creativity is a powerful tool for managing bipolar disorder, offering emotional release, focus, and connection. For women navigating this journey, creative expression can turn struggles into strengths, helping to stabilize moods and rediscover joy.

If you’re living with bipolar disorder, consider exploring creative outlets that speak to you. Whether it’s journaling, painting, or even gardening, your creativity has the potential to be both a sanctuary and a superpower. Start small, stay curious, and embrace the healing process—one brushstroke, word, or note at a time.

Be fearless in discovering where your creativity lies because somewhere inside you is the inspiration that can lead you down the path of better mental health and wellness. Remember, everyday is an opportunity to do something you’ve never done before.