In this piece, I share hard-earned lessons from both managing and mismanaging my finances, and offer strategies that have helped me stay afloat—even during the worst episodes. Success, for me, means accountability, self-reflection, and building a money relationship rooted in honesty and awareness of my patterns.

Surviving on Long-Term Disability

Despite my education and work history in communications, event planning, and healthcare, my illness has led to recurring hospitalizations and job loss. Over the past 15 years, I’ve relied on long-term disability to survive. The paperwork and emotional labour of proving my illness to access support is overwhelming, and this latest application process has left me feeling scrutinized and vulnerable.

I’m grateful for the safety net—but I’m also scared. Scared of becoming stuck. I still want to build something meaningful and live a life my younger self would be proud of. Living with an invisible disability means constantly reckoning with what I can do, and letting go of what I wish I could.

Reclaiming Purpose Outside the 9 to 5

Filing for financial security forced me to confront some truths: I can’t function in a traditional 9–5. I do well at first, but stress leads to anxiety, then insomnia, hypomania, and ultimately, hospitalization. It’s a cycle I’ve repeated for over a decade.

But I also know this—I don’t want to live dependent on someone else’s signature on a monthly cheque. I want freedom. I want to earn in ways that honour my limits and ignite my passion. Lately, I’ve found hope in honorarium-based work: peer support, advocacy, storytelling. It’s not about big money—it’s about meaning, and reclaiming my path on my terms.

Real Financial Strategies That Work

I’ve had to rethink everything about money. I used to say, “You have to spend money so you don’t spend money,” which justified all sorts of reckless habits. But when I realized no one was coming to rescue me, I knew I had to change. Here are strategies that have helped:

• Budget with Mood in Mind: Plan for highs and lows. A budget rooted in your real habits—not just your best ones—can help manage hyper-spending and avoid rock bottom.
  
  

• Automate Bill Payments: Set up auto-pay for essentials like rent, insurance, and subscriptions. It’s a lifeline during episodes.
  
  

• Two Budgets Are Better Than One: Create a high-functioning and low-functioning budget. Pre-pay essentials like meds and food when you’re well.
  
  

Rebuilding Identity Through Money Management

Financial independence isn’t just about numbers—it’s about rebuilding who you are. I used to rely on my parents when I didn’t have to. But being unhoused, living in a shelter, forced me to grow. I stopped fearing risk and started taking control.

Now, I earn by sharing my story. I’m not chasing titles. I’m building a life I can actually live. I don’t define success by how much I earn—but by how my experiences help others.

Final Thoughts

Managing money with Bipolar Disorder is a journey. Whether you’re on disability, returning to work, or saving $20 a week for the first time in years—you’re still moving forward. Here are some mantras I say to myself. Maybe they’ll help you too:

• “You’re not lazy—you’re strong.”
  
  

• “It’s okay to receive support and still want more.”
  
  

• “Your financial past doesn’t define your future.”
  
  

Money isn’t your purpose—but it can support your purpose. Build routines. Make mindful choices. Forgive your slip-ups. Learn your patterns. And most importantly, ask yourself:

What small step can I take today to feel more empowered about money?

My father was always strict when it came to school. I remember when I was 7-years-old my teacher contacted my dad and told him that his daughter couldn’t read well and I was being transferred to the English as a Second Language program. My father didn’t get mad but he didn’t ask me any questions about what my teacher had said. Rather, he instructed me to read all the books I currently owned until he was satisfied that the teacher was wrong. In reality, I was being bullied at school. I became extremely anxious when reading-out-loud in class. But what I thought was a punishment was actually my father teaching me a valuable life lesson: never let anyone tell you you can’t do something. Because of that pivotal and challenging moment in our relationship I became a voracious reader and ultimately a successful writer. 

This is just one of many examples in my father-daughter relationship where the blessing in the lessons he tried to teach me was lost. When I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder the relationship really suffered. I felt isolation and fear that I had lost my father forever but the fear wasn’t just mine it was his too. I was no longer the daughter he knew and navigating this new element of my personality was extremely difficult for a man who took pride in my usual productivity and excellence. No longer was I thriving like he taught me to. I was barely surviving, flailing and vulnerable in a world he taught me would eat me alive if I didn't toughen up. I know my return to post-secondary education gave him hope but Mania and substance use derailed my course for years to come. I always believed it was disappointment my father felt but I think it was actually fear and hopelessness for his eldest daughter who couldn’t find the strength to plant her feet on solid ground.   

After much self-reflection I realize as an adult my father experienced a lot of emotional turmoil with the Bipolar I disorder diagnosis that I was too in my illness to recognize. Early on in my journey I self-stigmatized blaming my father and then the world for not understanding or accepting me. I blamed my illness for my father not loving me, I played the victim of a circumstance I could not change but could learn to manage and I understand now that taking control of my illness is all my father wanted for me. 

Before this enlightenment came there was a lot of resentment and emotional volatility aimed directly at my father and I would watch every misunderstanding turn to a rift in the relationship between him and I. There is a perceived expectation between fathers and daughters that “daddy will always be there to catch you when you fall,” and if he’s not there he’s a bad father. But I challenge this notion. With Bipolar I disorder I fell fast and far outside my father’s reach or understanding. I slipped away from him, I left him behind on a course he couldn’t save me from because I had to learn to save myself. The greatest lesson my father has ever taught me is self-sufficiency and I had to learn to take the necessary steps toward wellness and back to him on my own. My dad and I still have a complex relationship even with my sobriety and remission being evident. There are things we just can’t talk about right now but the biggest feeling that lives between us now isn’t pain or resentment, it's hope. I know that we communicate better now than we have in years because he started cooking my favorite meals again and if you know my dad he is most loving in the kitchen.

I can honestly say my dad isn’t the first person on my support team I call in a crisis but he is the first to call all the hospitals in the city to find out where his daughter is. He is an important part of my support system choosing to play a role in the background but nevertheless always there. I have yet to address some of the trauma that contributed to my Bipolar and substance use with my dad because we are not there yet. I’m taking it one day at a time and continuing to foster an environment where open dialogue and ongoing growth are key.     

My dad is and will always be my first love despite the challenges we’ve faced and might face in the future.One of the most valuable lessons he taught me was: “There are three things in life you can’t get back once they are gone. A lost opportunity, a shot arrow and the spoken word.” With so many lost opportunities to communicate with my father throughout my journey to wellness, I will never lose another opportunity to tell him how much I love him and what his support, wisdom and tough love has meant to me.  What can I say I’m a card-carrying Daddy’s Girl. Love you Daddy. 

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a learned behavior that involves an unhealthy attachment to another person or relationship. It occurs when one person believes it's their job to “save” another person by catering to all their needs. A codependent person builds their identity and self-worth around this purpose and practices enabling behaviors that places themselves and the other person in a seemingly never ending cycle of dependency. This often happens when one party struggles with addiction or mental health concerns and the codependent person tries to shield them from the consequences of their behaviour.

When a person is supporting another in a healthy way there are boundaries, honest communication and balance in the relationship. No one is trying to save anyone else, rather the supportive person practices compassion and empathy while letting the other individual know that they need to seek help for their issues or concerns. A supportive person is self-aware and uses their judgment to make decisions about stepping back for the sake of their own mental health. A healthy supportive person knows when to let go, an unhealthy codependent person does not. The main behaviours and character traits of a codependent person are as follows:

• Consistently elevating the needs of others above your own

• Controlling behavior

• Self-sacrificing behavior

• Fear of rejection

• Lack of Self-love

• Lack of Boundaries

• Lack of Self-care

• Low Self-esteem/self-worth

Recognizing Codependent Patterns: Personal Reflection

My mother and I had a codependent relationship dynamic. I practiced codependency in seeking her validation in all things creating an unhealthy attachment style from the time I was a teenager until I took stock of this negative personality trait. My mother was a nurse that worked 12 hour shifts almost every day, she had a family which included my little sister, my father and my grandmother (before she passed away), as well as a household to manage and she couldn’t do it all. I am the oldest daughter so a lot of household responsibilities fell on me. This might seem like normal daughterly duties I’m referring to but it was more complex than that. I wanted to take the burden off my mother, I needed to hear that I was a good daughter, that I was loved and a valued member of my family, so I took on the role of house manager and caregiver to my whole family including my mother. 

By the time I was 17-years-old, I was considering where to go for post-secondary education and the university I was interested in was 4 hours from home. I was terrified to leave my mother because it had become like second nature to manage the household while she took much needed rest from the demands of her nursing career. My mother and I were like the co-captains of a team with three other team members that depended on us  so if I left, who would take care of her and the rest of the team? I actually spoke to a child psychologist about my concerns and his advice was “just be a kid.” I had taken on the role of my family’s saviour for so long that I simply didn’t know how to just be a kid.  

When I went away to university I was struggling with my mental health after being diagnosed with Depression and Generalized Anxiety disorder, I didn’t know where I fit after walking away from the codependent role I had at home. I wasn’t getting the daily validation from my mother, I was struggling in school and I sought love and attention from the wrong people. I would end my university career as a heavy substance user and within a year of graduation I would have my first manic episode. This is the point that the codependency dynamic between my mother and myself would shift and she would spend over a decade enabling me and trying to save the formally reliable daughter she no longer recognized.

My mother is a devout Christian, believing if she did the right things for her mentally ill daughter then all would be well. She tried to “pray the cray away,” but in doing that ignored the reality of the experience I was having, which only served to frustrate and anger me, placing a wedge in our already fragile relationship. The way she enabled me the most was to clean up the chaos and destruction I caused during my manic episodes so I never fully realized the damage I was doing to myself and others. She also tended to deny my drug use usually because of an idealistic sense of false hope. She tried tough love, eventually stopping the daily visits and food delivery when I was in hospital or by kicking me out of the family home but she made it clear she was always there for me emotionally and financially. This is what codependency looks like. 

During the pandemic I moved back in with my parents after an eight year departure to Toronto and this was a mistake that became detrimental to my already fragile mental health. The cycle of codependency began again and I realized it had never stopped; we had just taken a much needed break. I lived with my parents for two years before I realized I needed to change my behaviours and habits to find balance in our relationship, so I left. I was 40-years-old and I knew I had to finally run away from home in order to find myself. I’m not saying this is the only way to break free from a codependent dynamic but I knew it's what I needed to do, I needed space to think, to breathe. I had to learn to manage my mental health, get my substance use under control and address my issues around self-love, my self-esteem and my self-worth. Only with all of these elements in-line could I communicate effectively with my mother and set boundaries that were definitive. 

Some of the resources I used to break-free from codependency:

• Mind Over Mood, Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy principles, change how you feel by changing how you think. 

• Codependency No More, Melody Beattie: Learn the root causes of codependency and the steps needed to heal yourself, including establishing boundaries, cultivating self-trust, and taking part in a supportive recovery community. 

• The Set Boundaries Workbook, Nedra Glover Tawwab: A step-by-step resource for setting, communicating, and reinforcing healthy boundaries at home, work and in life.

• The Self-Love Workbook, Shainna Ali: A life-changing guide to boosting self-esteem, recognize your worth and find genuine happiness.

Final Thoughts

After doing the work I needed on my journey of self-awareness I have compassion and empathy for my mother and family having experienced a lot related to my mental health and substance use. Although my mother still falls into codependent habits our dynamic has changed dramatically. I set boundaries with her and effectively communicate my feelings and needs nurturing a stronger, more balanced bond between us. Codependency is a state of mind that one can unlearn if you are willing to however, it's important to note that it's usually not an issue with the other person (they may have other concerns), the actual codependent dynamic lives inside you and will continue to affect your mental health and the health of your relationships if you don’t stop and take stock of your actions and the role you play in fostering this unhealthy behavior. One of the most important and difficult parts of healing broken relationships and ending the cycle of codependency is self-reflection and the development of self-awareness. Remember you are not alone in your journey and everyday is an opportunity to do something you’ve never done before. So go forth and find your independence from  codependency.

Understanding Bipolar Disorder in Women

Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression). These episodes can vary in frequency and intensity, making it difficult to predict one’s mental state. The DSM-5 defines Bipolar I Disorder as involving at least one manic episode, which may be preceded or followed by hypomanic or depressive episodes.

Gender differences play a significant role in diagnosis and treatment. Women with Bipolar disorder often experience more depressive episodes than men, and their manic episodes may manifest differently, potentially influenced by hormonal fluctuations. Understanding these nuances is essential in recognizing how Bipolar disorder affects not just emotional stability but also self-esteem.

The Role of Self-Esteem in Mental Health

Self-esteem is essentially how we perceive our worth and capabilities. For women with Bipolar disorder, self-esteem can be fragile, swinging in tandem with mood changes. When I reflect on my journey, I realize that my self-esteem took a considerable hit after my diagnosis. Suddenly, I was grappling with a label that felt like a burden, and it was easy to let that define me. I learned that self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-love are crucial in this process.

The cyclical relationship between self-esteem and mental health means that low self-esteem can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression, creating a vicious cycle. For many women, this cycle can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy, especially when faced with the societal stigma surrounding mental illness.

Factors Affecting Self-Esteem in Women with Bipolar Disorder

Several factors contribute to the self-esteem challenges women with Bipolar disorder face:

• Stigma and Societal Perceptions: The stigma attached to mental illness can profoundly impact self-worth. Society often has misconceptions about what it means to live with a mental disorder, leading to feelings of isolation and shame.

• Impact of Relationships and Social Support: Healthy relationships can uplift our self-esteem, while toxic ones can undermine it. I’ve found that having a supportive network is invaluable, especially during my highs and lows.

• Personal Achievements and Failures During Mood Episodes: Experiencing episodes of mania or depression can lead to personal setbacks, affecting how we view our accomplishments. I've learned to celebrate my victories, no matter how small, to combat feelings of inadequacy.

Strategies to Improve Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem involves intentional strategies and consistent practice. Here are some approaches that have been beneficial for me:

• Therapeutic Approaches: Engaging in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has transformed my understanding of my thoughts and feelings. It taught me to challenge negative beliefs and focus on my strengths.

• Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices: Incorporating mindfulness into my daily routine has allowed me to remain grounded. Practicing self-compassion means recognizing that it’s okay to struggle and that setbacks don’t define my worth.

• Setting Realistic Goals: I’ve learned to set achievable goals and celebrate my progress, rather than dwell on perceived failures. This shift in focus has significantly bolstered my self-esteem.

The Importance of Support Systems

A robust support system can make a world of difference in managing both mental health and self-esteem. Friends and family play a crucial role in providing emotional support, but peer support groups can offer unique understanding and validation. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.

Professional help is also critical. Finding the right therapist can facilitate deeper self-exploration and growth. I’ve found that being open about my journey has not only helped me heal but also inspired others to seek help.

Final Thoughts

The relationship between mental health and self-esteem is profoundly impactful for women with Bipolar disorder. By understanding this connection, we can take proactive steps toward improving our self-worth and overall mental well-being. Whether through therapy, support systems, or self-care practices, effective strategies are available to help navigate these challenges. Remember, it’s essential to reach out and seek help—because everyone deserves to feel valued and empowered.

Throughout my journey, I've learned that self-care is not an act of selfishness but rather a vital component of maintaining my well-being. The experiences I've had over the years have shaped my understanding of what self-care means for me and how it can help other women living with Bipolar I disorder. This article explores effective tools and strategies that can help you find balance, improve your mental wellness, and enhance your overall quality of life. Let’s dive into the empowering world of self-care, and for further insights, don’t forget to check out "How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide."

Understanding Bipolar Disorder and Its Impact on Women

Bipolar disorder is characterized by significant mood swings, ranging from manic highs to depressive lows. For women, the effects of Bipolar disorder can be exacerbated by hormonal fluctuations, societal pressures, and various life transitions. My own experience has shown me how these factors can influence my mood and overall mental health.

In Canada, studies indicate that women are more likely to experience rapid cycling—where mood episodes occur more frequently—compared to men. This understanding became crucial for me as I navigated my own mood cycles. I noticed that during certain phases of my menstrual cycle, I would experience heightened anxiety and irritability. Understanding this connection allowed me to prepare for these times and adjust my self-care routine accordingly. Keeping a mood diary helped me track these fluctuations, providing invaluable insights into my mental health.

Moreover, societal pressures can create additional challenges. As women, we often juggle multiple roles—caregivers, professionals, friends—and this balancing act can feel daunting. There were times when I felt like I had to put on a brave face and pretend everything was fine, even when I was struggling inside. Acknowledging these feelings and understanding that it's okay not to have it all together has been an essential part of my journey.

The Role of Self-Care in Managing Bipolar Disorder

Self-care is often misunderstood. It’s not merely about indulgence; it’s about putting your mental health first amidst the unique challenges that come with experiencing mental illness. Daily life can be stressful, and triggers that lead to a mental health episode can lurk around every corner. When you’re living with Bipolar I disorder, managing potential triggers through daily self-care activities becomes essential.

Many people think self-care is limited to spa days or treating yourself to new clothes. While those can be forms of self-care, it's essential to delve deeper. Self-care encompasses a broad range of practices that prioritize mental and emotional well-being. For me, it has included everything from journaling to aromatherapy, and understanding my “why” has helped solidify my commitment to these practices.

The most common misconception about self-care is that it can be superficial. I’ve often heard people dismiss activities like getting a manicure or using a face mask as mere luxuries. However, these activities can serve a purpose in our wellness journey. For example, I find that personal grooming boosts my self-esteem during depressive episodes when my motivation to care for myself can diminish significantly. I’ve realized that maintaining a self-care routine tailored to my needs plays a crucial role in my mental health.

Essential Self-Care Tools and Strategies

Journaling

Journaling has been a vital self-care tool for me. Writing has been a passion since childhood, and it serves as an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. I use my journal to track my moods, reflect on my day, and explore my feelings. On difficult days, writing helps me process my emotions and gain clarity on my thoughts.

Through journaling, I have discovered patterns in my moods that I might otherwise overlook. For instance, I realized that my lows often correlate with significant life changes, such as transitioning jobs or navigating personal relationships. This awareness allows me to proactively address potential stressors and create a plan for coping.

Mindfulness,  Meditation and Spirituality

Practicing mindfulness and meditation has been transformative in my life. It allows me to ground myself during moments of anxiety and racing thoughts. On particularly overwhelming days, I take a few moments to focus on my breath, guiding my mind back to the present. Mindfulness techniques help me cultivate emotional regulation, providing a necessary anchor amidst the storm of my emotions.

I often find solace in guided meditation apps that offer specific exercises for managing anxiety and promoting relaxation. These practices have helped me find a sense of calm that I can carry with me throughout my day. Even just a few minutes of focused breathing can significantly shift my perspective and emotional state.I also engage in activities to fill my spiritual cup. I pray daily, listen to gospel music and attend church regularly. Spiritual practices may not be for you but it gives me a sense of community and keeps me grounded. It is important to know your personal goals and objectives when building your self-care tools and strategies. 

Physical Activity

Physical activity has also become a cornerstone of my self-care routine. Exercise plays a pivotal role in stabilizing my mood and enhancing my overall mental health. Research shows that regular physical activity can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, making it an essential component of my wellness journey. I’ve discovered that engaging in activities I enjoy—like dancing or hiking—makes it easier to stay committed to regular physical activity.

When I feel my energy levels drop or my mood starts to shift, going for a walk in nature or participating in a dance class can help lift my spirits. I appreciate the clarity that comes with physical movement, as it allows me to release pent-up emotions and refocus my mind.

Nutrition

Diet plays a significant role in my mental health. I’ve learned that what I put into my body can directly impact my mood and energy levels. Eating a balanced diet filled with whole foods has become a priority for me. I make it a point to nourish my body with nutrient-dense foods that support my overall well-being.

There were times when I succumbed to unhealthy eating habits, especially during depressive episodes. However, I recognized that these choices only exacerbated my symptoms. Now, I focus on incorporating plenty of fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats into my meals. It’s a continuous journey, but one that empowers me to take control of my health.

Building a Supportive Environment

Creating a supportive environment is essential for effective self-care. Throughout my journey, I've learned the importance of surrounding myself with positive influences and understanding individuals who can support my mental health.

Choosing Your Support Network: It's crucial to select your support network carefully. I’ve had experiences where individuals in my life were more toxic than supportive. While they may have had good intentions, their lack of understanding about my mental health struggles often left me feeling misunderstood and isolated. I had to confront these relationships, and when necessary, let them go for the sake of my well-being.

Finding a Mental Health Mentor: Seeking guidance from someone who understands the mental health landscape can also be beneficial. I connected with a mental health mentor who had experience navigating the healthcare system but did not have a mental illness. This person helped me better articulate my needs and provided valuable insights into community resources and support groups. She provides me with daily support and acts as a sounding board when I deal with difficult issues surrounding my mental health journey. This is a mutually beneficial relationship based on support, personal growth, empathy and understanding.  

Open Communication: Communicating my needs to friends and family has been an ongoing learning experience. I've found that expressing my feelings and challenges fosters understanding and support. It’s important to articulate how loved ones can help during tough times, whether it’s checking in regularly or just being there to listen.

Professional Help: Finding the Right Therapist

While self-care is crucial, seeking professional help can significantly enhance your wellness journey. Finding a mental health professional experienced in Bipolar disorder can make a world of difference. I’ve learned that not all therapists are created equal, and it’s essential to find someone with whom you feel comfortable.

When searching for a therapist, consider their experience with Bipolar disorder specifically. I recommend asking questions during your first appointment to gauge their understanding of the condition. Therapy has been a valuable resource for me, providing a safe space to explore my thoughts and emotions.

In addition to therapy, exploring medication options has been a critical part of managing my Bipolar I disorder. I take mood stabilizers and antipsychotics, and having ongoing conversations with my healthcare provider has allowed me to tailor my treatment plan to my unique needs. The journey of finding the right balance can be challenging, but it’s essential for maintaining my well-being.

Creating a Personalized Self-Care Plan

Developing a personalized self-care plan is a vital step in managing Bipolar I disorder. This plan should reflect your lived experiences and needs. Here are some steps that have worked for me:

1. Know Your Why: Understanding the motivation behind your self-care routine is crucial. For me, it stems from a desire to prioritize my mental health and create a sense of stability amidst the chaos.
2. Do Your Research: If the concept of self-care feels overwhelming, seek input from those around you. Ask friends, family, and healthcare professionals what they do for self-care. However, be cautious not to overwhelm yourself with too many options.
3. Develop a Manageable Routine: Once you have an idea of what self-care means to you, start plotting out your daily or weekly activities. It's important to remember that self-care is a journey, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.
4. Think Outside the Box: Sometimes, pushing yourself to try new things can lead to valuable discoveries about your needs. I’ve found that engaging in activities outside my comfort zone has enriched my self-care routine.
5. Review and Revise: Your self-care plan should be flexible and adaptable to your changing needs. Regularly assess how your routine aligns with your mental health goals. If something isn't working, don’t hesitate to modify it.

Final Thoughts

Prioritizing self-care is essential for women living with Bipolar I disorder. It’s a journey that requires commitment, patience, and adaptability. As I reflect on my experiences, I recognize the importance of embracing tools and strategies that resonate with my unique needs.

By leveraging self-care practices, I have learned to navigate the ups and downs of my mental health journey with resilience. Understanding that I’m not alone in this struggle has empowered me to create a life that reflects my strengths and aspirations.

If you want to explore more about managing Bipolar disorder, I highly encourage you to check out "How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide." Together, we can promote understanding and support for women living with bipolar disorder and empower each other to thrive.

Call to Action

If you found this article helpful, please share it with others who may benefit from these insights. Let’s work together to promote understanding and support for women living with bipolar disorder.