Life Lesson #15

“Be in your skin and fall in love with the feeling.” — Onika L. Dainty

Learning to Live in My Skin

It took me nearly 42 years to embrace this lesson—and I’m still learning. Self-love and body acceptance don’t come easily when you’ve wrestled with body image issues most of your life. For over two decades, I’ve dealt with weight gain as a side effect of mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medication prescribed to manage Bipolar disorder. Even before my diagnosis, my self-esteem was fragile. I wore a mask of confidence—intelligent, funny, charismatic, and beautiful—but underneath, I was struggling.

From childhood, food became my battleground. At first, I starved myself, skipping meals for days at a time until my grade six teacher reported it to my mother. As a nurse, she adjusted her night shifts to watch me eat. But that surveillance pushed me into binging and purging, giving me a false sense of control while my mind unraveled.

Trauma, Diagnosis, and Body Image

By my teens, depression and anxiety consumed me. At 14, a brutal assault deepened my mental chaos and reinforced my eating disorder as a form of punishment. My body felt like both the scene of the crime and the enemy. Into my twenties and early thirties, those patterns stayed with me, compounded when I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder at 24. Medication stabilized my mind but made me feel trapped in a body I no longer recognized.

It wasn’t until homelessness, repeated hospitalizations, and addiction forced me into long-term care that I realized how deeply connected my body image and mental health had always been. My psychotherapist helped me see that sexual trauma often distorts one’s relationship with the body—leading to cycles of self-punishment that only break with forgiveness, compassion, and healing.

Writing an Apology to My Body

After a pivotal therapy session, I sat down and wrote an apology letter to my body. I apologized for starving it, for purging, for smoking marijuana until my lips and fingers bore the scars, for binging as a side effect of medication. I promised to let go of shame and guilt and instead honour my body with care, nourishment, and respect.

That was the turning point.

Redefining Self-Love and Acceptance

Nearly a decade later, I’ve kept that promise. I haven’t binged, purged, or starved myself. I’ve been sober for almost two years. I eat to nourish, not punish, and I’ve incorporated fitness into my life—not as penance, but as a way to feel strong and alive.

Yes, my weight still fluctuates. But instead of spiralling into self-loathing, I now meet those moments with grace, self-compassion, and resilience. I remind myself: I only get one body in this lifetime, and it deserves love in every season.

My body has survived trauma, illness, and recovery. It carries my creativity, my laughter, and my strength. And no matter its shape or size, it is mine. Today, I celebrate it—not as a project to be perfected, but as a partner in my healing journey.

Final Thought

Being in my skin and falling in love with the feeling isn’t about flawless self-confidence. It’s about daily forgiveness, compassion, and choosing to honour the body I once punished.

Self-love is not a destination—it’s a practice. And every day I continue this practice, I reclaim more of myself.

To my readers: How do you practice self-love when your body doesn’t look or feel the way you want it to?

The Unique Challenges Women Face

Women with Bipolar disorder face distinct challenges that complicate our experiences. Hormonal fluctuations, particularly during menstrual cycles, pregnancy, or menopause, can exacerbate mood instability. I remember days when I felt like I was on a tightrope, trying to balance my emotions with the expectations placed upon me. Society often holds women to certain standards—being nurturing, resilient, and emotionally stable—adding pressure that can intensify our symptoms.

Navigating relationships can also be tricky. The stigma surrounding mental illness creates barriers in friendships and romantic relationships. I’ve had moments when I felt isolated, unsure of how to express what I was going through. Sharing my experiences with friends has often led to deeper connections, but it hasn’t been without its challenges.

Women as Caregivers and Self-Advocates

One aspect that deserves attention is the role of women as caregivers. Many women with Bipolar disorder are not only managing their own mental health but also taking care of family members or friends. This dual responsibility can make it difficult to prioritize self-care. However, I’ve noticed that women who actively participate in taking care of themselves often become more open to sharing their struggles and advocating for their needs.

Through my journey, I learned that taking risks—whether it’s trying a new therapy or speaking openly about my experiences—has empowered me. For example, joining support groups predominantly composed of women has provided a safe space for me to share my journey. The camaraderie I’ve experienced in these groups has shown me that vulnerability can lead to strength.

Mental health, largely a female-dominated field, has allowed me to feel comfortable discussing my experiences in therapy. It’s like talking to a girlfriend; the conversations feel intimate and relatable. This unique dynamic has helped me navigate the complexities of my mental health while also reinforcing the importance of self-advocacy.

The Impact of Medication on Hormonal Chemistry

Medication is often a cornerstone of managing Bipolar disorder, but it can also change our hormonal chemistry significantly. For me, adjusting to medication was a journey in itself. Initially, I struggled with side effects that felt overwhelming, and I had to work closely with my healthcare provider to find the right balance. I learned that being compliant with my medication regime was crucial, as non-compliance can lead to heightened symptoms and a more chaotic emotional state.

I’ve had moments where I thought, “You can’t pray the cray away.” This realization came after a particularly challenging episode when I was non-compliant. The repercussions were a stark reminder of how critical it is to stay on track with medication. During this time, I also recognized the need for consistent support and guidance—enter the idea of having a mental health mentor. This could be someone on your team who helps navigate the complexities of the mental healthcare system and advocates for you when you are unable to do so.

Vulnerability and Trust in Therapy

Developing trust with your therapist, counselor, or social worker is vital in managing mental health. I found that consistency in my therapeutic relationships helped build that trust over time. It’s all about relationship management skills; the more I opened up, the more I felt understood. This consistency created a nurturing environment where I could explore my vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.

In therapy, I’ve found it beneficial to share both my struggles and triumphs. My experiences have often resonated with my therapist, allowing for deeper conversations about coping mechanisms. I’ve developed grounding techniques that work for me—like aromatherapy, breathing exercises, tapping, or the cold water trick for dissociation. These tools have empowered me to manage my emotions and navigate overwhelming moments more effectively.

The Stigma of Mental Illness

One significant challenge I’ve faced as a woman with Bipolar disorder is the derogatory language used to describe mentally ill women. Terms like "crazy," "mad," or "hysterical" perpetuate harmful stereotypes that affect my experience as an individual. I remember feeling deeply affected by these labels, which created a sense of shame around my condition. However, I decided to take back the language, turning negative descriptors into positive affirmations. Humor has also become an essential coping mechanism for me. Laughter helps defuse tension and allows me to approach my experiences with a lighter heart.

Public speaking and community participation have been instrumental in reclaiming my narrative. By sharing my story, I aim to break down the stigma and foster understanding about Bipolar disorder. Engaging in community discussions has also given me the platform to advocate for change in mental health policies, particularly around the treatment of women.

Addressing Gender-Based Trauma in Healthcare

Gender-based trauma can deeply affect women’s experiences within the healthcare system, particularly in mental health settings. I’ve faced situations in hospitals that triggered past traumas, especially when it comes to restrictive practices. These experiences have fueled my desire to change policies regarding how women are treated during mental health interventions.

It’s vital for healthcare providers to recognize the impact of gender-based trauma and create supportive environments. Advocacy for change in these practices can lead to better experiences for women seeking care. By sharing our stories, we can push for policies that respect the dignity and autonomy of all patients.

The Power of Community Support

Peer support has been invaluable in my journey. Connecting with others who share similar experiences fosters a sense of belonging and understanding. I’ve found a community through various support groups, predominantly led by women. These spaces have allowed us to share stories openly and honestly. There’s something profoundly healing about realizing that someone else has walked a similar path.

Hearing others’ stories inspires me to share my own. In these supportive environments, I’ve learned to embrace vulnerability as a strength. We create a tapestry of hope and resilience, which can guide others facing similar challenges.

Knowledge is Power: The Importance of Research

As women with Bipolar disorder, knowledge is indeed power. I’ve learned that educating myself about my condition has been empowering. Researching my symptoms, treatment options, and coping strategies allowed me to take control of my mental health journey. This knowledge has not only informed my decisions but has also given me the confidence to advocate for myself within the healthcare system.

Participating in recovery college programs has been a transformative experience. These programs provide valuable information about mental health and recovery while fostering a sense of community. Engaging with others in these settings encourages open discussions about our experiences and the tools we can use to thrive.

Celebrating the Wins

While it’s easy to focus on the challenges, it’s crucial to celebrate the wins as well. Each achievement, no matter how small, deserves recognition. I’ve learned the power of positive affirmations. They may sound simple, but telling myself that I am capable has a profound impact on my mindset.

Sharing stories of personal achievements—like completing a project at work, reaching a sobriety milestone, or engaging in community advocacy—helps me acknowledge my progress. In moments of self-doubt, looking back at these victories fuels my motivation to continue moving forward. It’s about recognizing that we can grow, even amidst the highs and lows.

Final Thoughts

Living with Bipolar disorder is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it’s crucial for us to understand and support each other. By sharing our lived experiences, we create a tapestry of hope and resilience that can guide others. Remember, if you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There is strength in sharing our stories. For those looking for more resources, be sure to check out my post, How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide, for tips and strategies. Let's continue to have conversations that take us beyond the stigma and uplift one another.

For many women, fear and anxiety are the most common by-products of trauma. The pressures we face in society—to excel in our careers, maintain flawless relationships, and uphold family dynamics—create a breeding ground for fear of failure and fear of judgment. When compounded with Bipolar disorder, these feelings become amplified. We often find ourselves grappling with the idea that we are somehow "less than" because our minds operate differently, leading to an intense stigma rooted in fear.

Understanding Fear in the Context of Bipolar Disorder

Unaddressed trauma creates a permanent space for fear in our minds, dictating our actions, behaviors, and decision-making processes. When I first began to understand my Bipolar disorder, my biggest fear was rejection. Would people accept me if they knew I had a serious mental illness? Would my family still love me after the chaos of a manic episode? Would my friends still want me around when things got heavy? The constant questions loomed large in my mind, fueled by a society that often portrays those of us with mental health conditions as dangerous, volatile, or unpredictable.

In the beginning, my fear felt suffocating. I worried about losing my job due to burnout and exhaustion. I feared hospitalization and the potential side effects of medication, especially the dread of tardive dyskinesia. Each thought spiraled into an overwhelming anxiety that often left me paralyzed, struggling to engage with the world around me.

Breaking Down the Stigma and Finding Self-Acceptance

To combat these fears, I quickly learned the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. Surrounding myself with supportive, patient, and understanding individuals became crucial. I needed to find my tribe—people who could appreciate me for who I am, even during the challenging moments of my journey. As I began to embrace this support system, I found a community that reinforced my strength rather than my fears.

One of the most liberating realizations I had was that my fears, while valid, did not define me. I started practicing mindfulness and meditation to ground myself during overwhelming moments. These practices helped me clear my mind and refocus my thoughts. I learned to breathe through the anxiety and remind myself, “This too shall pass.” This sentiment became a comforting mantra, allowing me to navigate the peaks and valleys of my mental health journey.

Spirituality and Affirmations as Anchors

In my quest for stability, I turned to spirituality, which played a vital role in helping me manage my fear. One of my favorite quotes, “The only way out is through,” attributed to Robert Frost, reminds me that there is no going back with Bipolar disorder—only forward, regardless of the fears that may arise. I also posted daily affirmations on my bedroom wall: “For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” This affirmation serves as a reminder that I am capable and deserving of a fulfilling life.

While I try to manage my anxiety naturally, there are times when the weight of my fears becomes too much to bear. When my coping mechanisms fail, I turn to my PRN medication, using it only as needed. I’ve learned to see medication as a tool, not a crutch—a means to help me reclaim control over my life when fear threatens to overwhelm me.

The Power of Talk Therapy

I am a firm believer in talk therapy. Speaking with a counselor or therapist can provide a sounding board to help dispel fears and anxieties. Voicing my concerns out loud often diminishes their power, allowing me to confront the fears that once felt insurmountable. In these sessions, I learned to explore the roots of my anxiety, gaining insights that have been instrumental in my journey toward healing.

As a public speaker, I also face my fears head-on by sharing my story. Speaking my truth can be both terrifying and empowering. Each time I take the stage, I confront the fear of judgment and rejection, reminding myself that my voice matters. Through advocacy, I strive to educate others about mental health, helping to dismantle the stigma that often isolates us.

Facing Fears in Advocacy and Daily Life

Advocating for myself and my mental health is another way I face my fears. Whether I’m discussing medication management with my psychiatrist or navigating a hospital setting, I refuse to let fear dictate my journey. I remind myself that my ultimate goal is a fulfilling life and a successful future. I deserve to be heard, seen, and treated with dignity, regardless of my mental health status.

However, fear can still be pervasive. I often grapple with the fear of not returning to baseline after an episode. The anxiety of wondering whether I’ll ever have children—naturally or through adoption—sometimes weighs heavily on my heart. I fear that my genetics might be passed on, leaving a legacy of mental illness for future generations. The fear of never finding a healthy, supportive romantic relationship lingers, as does the anxiety of ending up isolated and alone.

Transforming Fear into Empowerment

Despite these fears, I am committed to transforming them into empowerment. Each fear I face teaches me something valuable about myself and the world. I’ve learned that while fear can be paralyzing, it can also be a powerful motivator for change. By confronting my anxieties, I am gradually reclaiming my narrative and embracing my identity as a woman living with Bipolar disorder.

It’s essential to recognize that fear is a shared experience. Many women, especially those navigating mental health challenges, carry similar burdens. By sharing our stories and supporting one another, we can dismantle the stigma that surrounds mental illness and empower ourselves to live authentically.

For a deeper understanding of how to manage Bipolar disorder and navigate the accompanying fears, check out my comprehensive guide, How to Start Managing Bipolar Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide.

Final Thoughts

Embrace the Journey

Navigating fear as a woman living with Anxiety and Bipolar disorder is a complex journey. It requires self-love, acceptance, and a commitment to facing our fears head-on. By cultivating supportive relationships, practicing mindfulness, and advocating for ourselves, we can create a fulfilling life despite the challenges we face.

Remember, fear does not have to dictate our actions. As we embrace the mantra “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” we open ourselves up to new possibilities, resilience, and hope. Our stories matter, and by sharing them, we empower not only ourselves but also those around us who may be navigating similar paths.

Creating Structure and Routine

In my previous jobs, I found that arriving early created an environment of structure, routine, and habits that helped me manage my Bipolar symptoms. Working with others can often feel unpredictable, and establishing a routine provides a sense of control amidst the chaos. This was especially vital when the unpredictability of teamwork could trigger my anxiety.

I made it a point to organize my day, prioritize tasks, and carve out quiet time for myself. This practice not only helped me maintain focus but also reduced the likelihood of being overwhelmed by unexpected demands. However, the reality of workplace dynamics often challenged this structure.

Setting Boundaries and Facing Challenges

One of the significant challenges I encountered was setting boundaries. As a Peer Support Specialist in creative meetings, I would often delineate what I could and couldn’t take on, only to find those boundaries crossed repeatedly. During work delegation discussions, I was made to feel that I needed to take on additional tasks, even when my colleagues expressed that they couldn’t. My manager would often seek my assistance directly, despite our prior conversations about what was manageable for me.

This struggle to maintain boundaries created feelings of inadequacy and pressure, making it difficult to prioritize my well-being. The internal conflict of wanting to help but needing to protect my mental health was a source of considerable stress.

Experiencing Shame and Stigma

In my workplace, the stigma surrounding mental health was palpable. For instance, when I took a defined mental health day, which we were all entitled to through our work agreements, I faced shaming from some colleagues. This behavior not only hurt emotionally but also fostered a sense of isolation, making it clear that mental health issues were not openly accepted.

Unfortunately, many people who require wellness time off experience similar stigma. There is a tendency for colleagues and supervisors to perceive those who take mental health days as less capable. This perception can lead to a hostile environment where the individual feels pushed out or unfairly scrutinized. It becomes increasingly difficult to advocate for oneself when it feels as though your worth is being questioned, and in some cases, this scrutiny can result in legal maneuvers that force individuals out of their roles.

Burnout is a serious risk for those managing Bipolar disorder. In my experience, the cumulative effect of stress, unaddressed boundaries, and the lack of supportive responses ultimately led to a significant decline in my mental health. When work becomes a source of distress, it exacerbates Bipolar symptoms, highlighting the importance of recognizing early signs of burnout and addressing them proactively.

A Cautionary Tale

Reflecting on my journey, I remember a time when I was thriving in my role—recognized as a star performer. However, everything changed when I casually mentioned my Bipolar disorder to a colleague. From that moment, I felt the dynamic shift. Colleagues began to view me differently, and ultimately, I was let go from my position. This experience was not only disheartening but also reinforced the importance of corporate culture in supporting employees with mental health conditions.

Seeking Support and Finding the Right Fit

One of the most critical lessons I've learned is to research your potential employer’s corporate culture around mental health before committing to a job. It's vital to ensure that an organization values mental health and provides a supportive environment. Otherwise, you might find yourself set up for failure from the start.

Final Thoughts

Managing Bipolar symptoms at work is undoubtedly challenging, but it is not insurmountable. By creating structure, setting firm boundaries, and advocating for supportive environments, we can mitigate the impact of our condition on our professional lives. Remember that it’s essential to prioritize your mental health and seek workplaces that genuinely support employees’ well-being. Your mental health is an integral part of your overall health, and finding the right fit can make all the difference.

For more on creating structure, routine and habits read my previous post, How to Start Managing Bipolar I Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide. Learn about one of the cornerstones of maintaining good mental health. Remember, you are not alone in your journey so let's continue to have conversations that take us beyond the stigma and into a space where mental health matters. 

The Benefits of Peer Support in Bipolar Recovery

• Community and Connection

• There’s something profoundly comforting about being in a room filled with people who truly understand your struggles. The shared experiences often create an immediate bond that can lighten the emotional load we carry. Sharing your lived experiences and your recovery journey with a supportive peer can be incredibly enriching and empowering for both you and your peer. It reminds how far you’ve come and gives you continued hope for the future. 

• Shared Understanding

• We all have our unique stories, but the underlying themes of anxiety, mood swings, medication management and the quest for stability are often strikingly similar. This shared understanding can foster an environment of empathy, making it easier to open up. Having these important conversations takes you beyond the stigma of mental illness to a place where recovery is possible. 

• Real-Life Strategies

• In peer groups, you hear firsthand accounts of coping mechanisms and survival strategies. It's inspiring to learn how others navigate their highs and lows, providing practical tools that might resonate with your own journey. Remember, not every coping strategy will fit your needs but learning from others can inspire hope and continued motivation on your way to recovery.

The Challenges of Peer Groups

• Oversharing and Trauma

• One of the complexities I’ve encountered is the tendency for oversharing. While it's vital to express ourselves, sometimes stories can be so intense that they leave others in the group feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed. I’ve been in situations where a member’s deep dive into their struggles affected the emotional well-being of others present. There is also the added risk of Trauma Bonding (developing a friendship solely based on your individual trauma experience) with your peers both inside and outside of the group setting. 

• Lack of Professional Facilitation

• Many peer groups are led by individuals without formal training. While their intentions are good, this can lead to unstructured discussions that leave participants feeling lost or unheard. It’s crucial to have someone who can navigate the conversation and keep it productive. Although people experiencing mental health struggles can be considered your peer, not everyone has the professional experience and training to be a Peer Supporter. To receive the designation of a Peer Supporter, there are a series of courses you must complete through organizations like Peer Support Canada in order to take on this role. 

• Potential for Disarray

• I’ve often found that these groups can become disorganized. Conversations may drift off-topic or veer into areas that aren't constructive. Without a clear structure, it’s easy for important issues to remain unresolved, leading to frustration rather than healing. Historically, it's this disorganized format that has lead me away from peer groups into the more structured environment of recovery colleges.

Leveraging Personal Experience as a Peer Support Specialist

Drawing from my experiences as a Peer Support Specialist, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of balance in sharing. While Peer Support can be transformative, I’ve also seen its pitfalls. I once attended a group where a participant shared their story in such detail that it created an atmosphere of discomfort. Reflecting on this, I realized how vital it is to have a trained facilitator who can manage discussions and provide emotional support when the conversation takes a heavy turn.

This is why I advocate for the recovery college method. This structured approach combines Peer Support with psycho-educational components, allowing individuals to share experiences while also gaining essential knowledge in a supportive environment. Recovery colleges offer courses designed to empower participants, creating a more stable space for emotional expression without the chaos that can accompany typical peer groups.

Final Thoughts

While peer groups can be a valuable asset in the Bipolar recovery journey, it's essential to recognize their complexities. The potential for oversharing and the need for professional guidance should not be underestimated. By embracing structured methods like the recovery college approach, we can cultivate a safer environment for healing. If you're contemplating joining a peer group, assess how it aligns with your recovery goals. Try sitting in on your desired peer group and listening and observing the dynamics. If it doesn’t feel like the right fit, move on and keep trying to find a space where you feel safe and comfortable. Remember, it's perfectly okay to seek guidance from your healthcare team to ensure you're getting the support you truly need. You don’t have to navigate this path alone; there are resources available, and you are deserving of a supportive community.