Onika L. Dainty

Life Lesson #14

“The only validation I need is my parking.” – Onika L. Dainty

Learning the Weight of Validation

Validation is a complicated concept. By definition, it means “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.” For some, that recognition from others—family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers—is at the very core of their identity. Without external approval, many find it hard to move forward, change, or grow. I know this because, for much of my life, I was one of those people.

From an early age, I allowed trauma and low self-esteem to dictate my path. My sense of self-worth was tethered to someone else’s star of approval. Whenever I was the lead in my own story, fear crept in, whispering that without cheerleaders—or critics in disguise—I would fall flat. And yet, the rare times I did validate myself, I discovered something unexpected: empowerment.

Losing and Rebuilding Self-Acceptance

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder in 2006, the fragile spark of self-acceptance I had been nurturing disappeared. Once again, I turned outward, seeking guidance from others—many of whom, though well-intentioned, only confused and discouraged me. Their voices drowned out my own, and my self-esteem plummeted.

It took years to untangle myself from this cycle. Ironically, the breakthrough came when I asked the right person the wrong question.

The Conversation That Changed Everything

In 2017, while brainstorming a mental health podcast with my cousin, I asked him what I thought was a simple question:

“Am I doing this right? What do you think?”

His response:
“If you’re looking for validation, Onika, you’re not going to get it from me. This is your show. You’re the one with the lived experience. I’m just the sound guy. Stop looking for validation in other people. We’re grown—validate yourself.”

His words hit like a mirror held to my face. Brutally honest, yes, but spoken with love. My cousin had always pushed me to believe in my abilities, to trust the possibilities of my future. That night, his refusal to validate me became the greatest validation of all.

Choosing to Lead My Own Story

After reflecting on his words, I felt something shift. My confidence grew, my self-worth blossomed, and the desperate need for approval from others began to fade. I realized I needed to be the lead in my own love story—the one where I finally fell for myself and the strength that had always been within me.

Today, I still value the perspectives of those who care for me, but I no longer need their validation. I validate myself. My feelings, decisions, and opinions are valid simply because I exist. That belief has given me an unshakable confidence, allowing me to make bold and brave choices on my mental health and wellness journey—choices I never would have dared to make before that late-night conversation.

Gratitude for Brutal Honesty

For every moment of honesty that challenged me to grow, I am deeply grateful. To my cousin—my cheerleader, my truth-teller, my mirror—thank you for helping me realize that the only validation I truly need is, indeed, my parking.

Last year I took my first solo trip to Guyana in South America post-diagnosis and after twelve months of recovery. Historically, air travel has not been kind to my mental health. I often believed I was well before departure, only to spiral into hypomania that tipped into mania upon arrival, leading to hospitalization for manic-psychosis once I returned home.

It wasn’t until that trip I realized my Bipolar disorder had a predictable travel cycle—one that could be managed with preparation. After speaking with my psychiatrist, I was advised to create a Mental Health Travel Crisis Plan. I had packed every physical item twice for reassurance but hadn’t considered what my mind truly needed.

A week before departure, I began researching and building my plan. Travel can be exhilarating, but it is also emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. For those living with Bipolar disorder, it can be unpredictable—even dangerous—triggering Mania or depression. I came to understand that knowledge and preparation are essential travel companions.

In this blog, I’ll share how to recognize travel triggers, outline my lived experience with a travel cycle, and guide you in creating a practical, empowering mental health crisis plan.

Why Travel Can Be a Trigger—Even When It’s Excitement You’re Feeling

Travel challenges anyone’s mental health because of the disruption to daily routine, structure, and sleep patterns. For those with Bipolar disorder, the stakes are higher: the excitement of new experiences can destabilize moods and amplify symptoms. Careful planning helps minimize risks while still embracing the joy of exploration.

Common Travel Triggers for Bipolar Disorder

• Sleep Disruption
  Travel anxiety, jet lag, and changing time zones can disrupt circadian rhythms, often worsening bipolar symptoms. Lack of restful sleep is one of the most common triggers of Mania or depression. A travel sleep schedule, naps, and rest rituals can help re-establish balance.
  
  

• Environmental Change
  Leaving the comfort of home means leaving behind familiar routines that support stability. New environments—whether exciting or overwhelming—can destabilize mood. Building in grounding practices like mindfulness, breathing exercises, or journaling helps ease adjustment.
  
  

• Overstimulation
  Bright city lights, bustling airports, or even serene beaches can overwhelm the senses. Overstimulation often leads to loneliness, irritability, or racing thoughts. Pausing to reset—through journaling, walking, or retreating to quiet spaces—can help restore equilibrium.
  
  

Travel often pressures us to “just enjoy” the experience. But it’s vital to honour your mental health needs first. There will always be future opportunities for travel.

Building Your Travel Crisis Plan and Checklist for Bipolar Disorder

A Mental Health Travel Crisis Plan ensures peace of mind and provides clear steps if symptoms escalate. Paired with a Travel Checklist for Bipolar Disorder, it helps you anticipate challenges before they become crises.

What to Include in Your Mental Health Travel Crisis Plan

• Emergency Contact List: Psychiatrist, therapist, close family or friends, and substitute decision-maker.
  
  

• Preferred Safe Spaces: Local hospitals, clinics, or wellness centres at your destination.
  
  

• Medication List: Updated prescriptions, allergies, extra doses, and storage methods. (Consider blister packs for convenience and reassurance.)
  
  

• Coping Tools: Grounding exercises, playlists, affirmations, journaling prompts, or fitness facilities at your accommodation.
  
  

Travel Checklist for Bipolar Disorder

Track symptoms to stay self-aware and intervene early:

• Depressive symptoms: low mood, excessive sleep, anxiety.
  
  

• Hypomanic symptoms: insomnia, impulsivity, racing thoughts.
  
  

• Mania/psychosis symptoms: hallucinations, aggression, delusions.
  
  

This checklist is not meant to alarm, but to help you recognize your bipolar cycle in new environments and respond proactively.

How to Talk Mental Health and Travel: Preparing Others Without Over-explaining

Traveling with Bipolar disorder often means educating companions or hosts. On my trip to Guyana, I explained to relatives the mood shifts, highs, and lows I’d experience. Many dismissed symptoms as “jet lag,” but I knew they were part of my cycle.

Being transparent about your mental health needs—like requesting quiet accommodations or early check-in—empowers you and fosters understanding. Stigma still surrounds mental illness, but avoiding conversations to make others comfortable can leave you unsupported.

By explaining your needs with honesty, you shift the narrative: people with mental illness are capable of managing both their health and their travel itinerary.

Final Thoughts: Travel Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Worthwhile

Travel with bipolar disorder has taught me:

• Restful sleep is essential to mental and emotional stability.
  
  

• Mania often disguises itself as excitement and energy—until it crashes.
  
  

• A crisis plan allows flexibility, grace, and recovery when symptoms emerge.
  
  

Some trips require immediate rest; others allow exploration before fatigue sets in. Either way, I’ve learned to see healing as part of the journey, not a setback.

Travel doesn’t need to be perfect to be worthwhile. Crisis planning isn’t expecting the worst—it’s loving yourself enough to be ready.