Understanding the Impact of Trauma on Women with Bipolar Disorder
Trauma and Bipolar disorder are deeply intertwined, especially trauma experienced in childhood as it can potentially contribute to the development and severity of this mental illness in early adolescence or more commonly adulthood. Studies have shown that emotional abuse, for example, can impact brain development and long term function increasing an individual's vulnerability to mood disorders like Bipolar disorder.
My experiences with Gender-Based Violence (GBV) is the trauma at the root of my mood imbalances. This is not to say that if I had not experienced multiple and severe instances of GBV that I would not have developed Bipolar I disorder. Rather, my experiences and my lack of ability to cope with these traumas act as a contributing factor in how my mental illness developed. I believe seeking trauma-treatment earlier this year was a step toward the direction of continuing to manage this life-long disorder. Treatment and the coping strategies that I have learned has given me a sense of hope, understanding and personal growth. I learned a very important lesson through my on-going treatment journey, that trauma may shape my past but it doesn’t have to define or break me. Healing must come from within for me to be whole again.
What Trauma Looks Like for Women with Bipolar Disorder
Trauma can come in many forms such as childhood neglect, physical or emotional abuse, grief after loss of a loved one, abandonment, emotional invalidation, systemic oppression or war trauma that leads to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There are any number of traumatic or combined traumatic experiences that can complicate bipolar symptoms, deepening depressive episodes, amplifying anxiety and making mood regulation more difficult which can often lead to Manic or Psychotic episodes.
Some women see their trauma as a normal fixture in their lives and do not realize they have experienced trauma until the healing journey begins. For other women, like myself, I recognized my trauma had occurred in childhood, early adolescence and adulthood. However, I did not realize that my experiences were still affecting my daily life until I sought help from a professional and began to do the work to address my PTSD. For years, I compartmentalized my negative experiences placing it in the recesses of my mind but never really looking deep inside myself to examine how trauma plays a role in the development of my mental illness. I ignored trauma hoping it would eventually disappear and become a part of my past rather than shaping the actions of my present and future. I believe this mindset plagues a lot of women who have experienced unaddressed trauma.
Completing Trauma Therapy: A Milestone in My Journey to Wellness
In May 2025, I completed a 12-week program through Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health Science with a plan to continue seeking more treatment in the fall. I have struggled for years trying to find a place for the hurt, anger, shame, guilt, anxiety and fear that lived inside me due to my experiences with trauma. From the severe sexual assaults I have survived, to the loss of my grandmother which sent me spiraling into my first psychotic episode and the physical mistreatment I had experienced in the form of restraints during hospitalization, all could not be unpacked in the three months of treatment but I recognized that these experiences had a significant impact on my mental health and each trauma needed to be given attention.
I came to realize that in the past I simply didn’t know where to begin so I shut down. Instead I focused on all the other areas in my life I felt I had control over: I built structure, routine and healthy habits; I got sober and maintained my sobriety; I managed my medication and stayed connected to my psychiatrist; I reconnected with family and friends; and I maintained weekly appointments with my counsellor. But it wasn’t enough. The ghosts of traumas past haunted me. I wasn’t sleeping well, my appetite was low, I was experiencing more frequent depressive episodes and my anxiety increased daily. Then my counselor suggested it was time to take a closer look at my trauma and how ignoring it was affecting my day-to-day ability to function. Together we researched several local trauma treatment programs and with her assistance and support I went through the referral process for several programs.
When I started trauma-treatment in January 2025, I will admit I was sceptical about the kind of results I would get from peeling back so many layers from so many years ago. If I told you the 12-weeks of treatment was easy I would be lying. Those three months were uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. I cried myself to sleep after almost every session but soon I noticed sleep became easier, my appetite began to return and that thing I always did where I check my front door to see if it's locked? That hasn’t gone away but it has gotten better. Treatment took an emotional toll on me but for the better and by my last session I had come to the realization that I was not nearly finished, there was more healing to be done.
Life feels different. I have more clarity around my triggers, I am building a new relationship with boundaries and the tools I use to regulate my emotions have evolved. I feel more grounded but still have my moments of vulnerability. It’s not a perfect life but it feels more manageable, more authentic and more mine. I know I am just at the beginning of this new journey and my trauma will always walk with me but soon, with a lot of work it will be at a distance rather than ahead of me defining where my path leads.
Life Post Trauma-Treatment: You Don’t Just “Get Over” Trauma—You Grow Around It and Thrive
After months of treatment, I likened my trauma to having a beautiful mirror covering a gaping hole in the wall. When the mirror shatters and falls you are left looking at a giant hole you put the mirror in front of to hide in the first place. The shattered mirror isn’t the trauma, the hole is and me facing myself in the mirror is the first step toward healing. You can never erase the trauma, never just “get over” it no matter how many beautiful things, events, experiences or people you place in front of it. Rather, by learning to face trauma you can work with it, take control of it and find your wholeness again despite the holes.
Through treatment I didn’t “get better, I got stronger with tools.” I learned more about how my trauma affected my emotional patterns, I am now able to recognize my trauma responses and apply the coping tools I learned before my reactions spiral out of control leading to anxiety or in some cases worse. Some of the exercises that helped me that may help you include:
Grounding Exercise: Earthing (connecting body with the earth), deep breathing and meditation (InsightTimer App)
Daily Journaling with Prompts (Usually found in my workbook but can be found online if you search by topic)
Daily Affirmations (IAM App)
Daily Exercise (Release stress and anxiety)
Community and Family Support
By incorporating these few habits and relating them to healing my trauma, I’ve discovered new ways to thrive in a world where oftentimes there is no escaping bad experiences in a healthy way. Though I had my doubts about my ability to feel joy, love and happiness while living with trauma, now I know that not only is it possible to feel worthy of love but to actually feel my soul rest because I trust myself to handle the tough moments when they inevitably come.
Final Thoughts-Words for Women Still in the Storm
To the women who are still experiencing unaddressed trauma, still living in the pain of the past, unsure if you can face yourself and the experiences that currently shape your present there is hope. You don’t have to be fearless, you simply have to be ready to try. There is strength in vulnerability and wisdom in not knowing where the journey will lead you but having faith in the fact that something positive is waiting for you at the end of what I can promise won’t be an easy road but a highly rewarding journey to being whole. Remember, your story is real and relevant. As hard as it will be to speak, that painful truth deserves space in this world even if the world shakes when you tell it.
I grateful for the tools I have gained in my trauma treatment journey and I feel no fear for the journey ahead of me because I know that I have the love of my family and friends, the support of my healthcare team and the faith that the Onika I am becoming is strong enough to handle any and all challenges, tough moments and painful tears on my road to wellness. Trauma may live with me but it no longer controls me or the decisions I make regarding my future success and happiness. Thank you to my trauma treatment team for your support and encouragement during this difficult but worthwhile process.
To my readers currently living with unaddressed trauma I invite you to consider: What would healing look like for you—on your own terms?